The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
