is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
