If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
