The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize