We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I touched a dick in church today
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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