they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
