my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
