Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
