Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
