grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
