there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
