Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
