dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
