boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
