Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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