Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
