were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
