Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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