do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.