can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting