Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
where are you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.