It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
two words: eviction party
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.