I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight