was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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