***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
