Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
