How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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