college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize