He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
