he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
