she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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