stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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