"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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