Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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