im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
