I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my shit smells like andre
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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