Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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