If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
