Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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