you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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