I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
