id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
