I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
