Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
