why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
