Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
two words: eviction party
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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