just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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