even my farts smell like vagina
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
