Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
