So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
