I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
