I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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