Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
