By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
