i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
