I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
