i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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