she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
3pm strippers are depressing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
