dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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