So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
