So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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