apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.