She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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