Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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