i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.