I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
