I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
