This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
how does that bad decision feel?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
