You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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