I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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