I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't deserve a penis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
