my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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