So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
