He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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